1. |
Home Is What You Make It
04:47
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There was a storm over Iowa on the drive home.
Landscape lit up like a thousand cities combined into one; and I swear I felt each memory flood, then secede from the banks of our collective consciousness as quiet as lightning.
As quiet as nothing.
It's simple and honest, like a body burnt on a cross.
It's pure, like the white flames that envelope us.
Will I ever be happy with anything?
Will I learn from my mistakes, or am I doomed to repeat them?
"God bless this mess we have made. The most beautiful things are born of our greatest suffering."
I have learned nothing at all.
Naked, pure, and awkward.
on your forbidden planet I revel in things I should not.
And I can change anytime I need.
Faster than seasons or seas and the islands and men among them.
Are we alone?
I thought I heard something coming from the next room.
Are we alone?
These old bones feel everything at once.
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2. |
God Bless//This Mess
04:59
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We thought we lost it all to the house.
But we are taking it back for ourselves, slowly but surely,
like the silence that fills it up when no one is around.
“Have you found your place?”
Even God rests its bones.
“Have you found your place?”
“You’re tired I know, but you can’t be sad anymore.
Not this time. It’s not enough to apologize.”
I'll burn photographs. I'll look back on this, but I won't move on.
You can change anything that you want, but you can't change how you feel on a whim.
Kissing on the bed.
No regret.
No one's here except a promise that I kept.
I'll regret this.
I know it.
Smells like chlorine; of bleach stains on white T shirts and clothes I can never get clean.
The smell stays with me for weeks.
It clings like tobacco smoke.
It's all so hazy.
What's done is done.
I fucking tried.
you can't change anything no matter how hard you try.
And it still hurts sometimes, when I think about what you took from me.
I can see it your eyes.
You don't care about me.
You just need my body.
You need me.
I can see it in your eyes.
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3. |
Simple
03:30
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I just got back from the place I swore I never left.
When it rains here, our souls sift through rivers into our Great Lake along with the refuse.
Everything felt whole and right.
A simple little pain dances on pages, shivers on pavement.
It doesn't know know to feel, but it's trying to be more than anything it was told it could never be.
It finds the things we need in the eyes of other beings.
It finds the things we need.
We're simpler than we think we are.
Simpler.
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4. |
Honest
02:12
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I was afraid of being sober and I guess I was afraid of a black hand reaching down and touching me and tainting everything I love.
Gold collects and turns to rust.
Unlike cool leaves in an autumn breeze.
Cool leaves are everything to me now.
It was my own two hands that put me in the situation I am currently in.
It is nobody's fault but my own.
Smooth sailing from here on out if I can own up to everything I've done.
They tell me it's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
And I can't forget a single thing about your face.
You said you loved me. How could you hurt me?
I can't forget a goddamn thing and It's all your fault.
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5. |
Winter Tulips
02:54
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I'm baring my soul to you in basements and bars.
On front porches of frat houses, and in backseats of cars.
Between Blue Moons, gas station parking lots and cigarettes.
You said that you loved my American spirit more than you loved anything else.
Fuck, I’ve been nothing for months, and I’m surprised you haven’t seen it.
Maybe you weren’t listening.
Maybe I couldn’t accept it.
Just admit your God is dead, that there is nothing for us here.
We have been talking to ourselves, that’s why our prayers have gone unanswered for so long.
There's something that's been weighing on my conscious, and I can’t seem to put my finger on it.
Maybe I don’t always get I want, but thats ok, because no one really deserves anything.
Except to be happy.
"All I'm asking for is a flower in the dead of winter. Anything that can tie this world together, keep our sinking ship above the icy water."
I thought you could change things.
That was selfish of me.
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6. |
Plastic Fruit
03:11
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That housesitting feeling went away, and even if it was only for a week,
I wouldn't give that week up for anything.
For once it felt like I was living, instead of just breathing.
I wouldn't give that week up for anything.
It's hard to sit around and watch the things you love destroy themselves.
And I always hated you because of how pathetic I was.
Do we all wanna die, really?
Or do we just want to live correctly?
I've been trying, but I only seem to be sinking.
Night shifts, bike rides home.
Caffeine, smoke breaks, alone.
She said: "Come again?"
Nevermind. Forget I said anything.
I rode my Raleigh racing bike up to Hawk Ridge, and looked out over the city.
And for the third time, I felt its highways and lights pumping blood into me.
I swear, I am the shyest person I have ever met.
I am an anxious mess with a god complex.
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7. |
Lucifer's Agents
04:09
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I am an open book with blank pages just waiting to be filled with writing.
I made a mistake and I'm learning to live with it.
Maybe it’s just the seasonal shift that’s making me feel like shit.
It’s not the cold.
Feels just like November.
It’s not the cold.
Not like I remember.
Sometimes bad things happen to good people.
Sometimes you have no one to blame and that makes you hateful.
I get it.
This shit sucks and it’s unfair, but sometimes we just have to deal with all of it.
Sometimes there's no way out, and you have to accept that.
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8. |
Model Homes
07:16
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We made our beds, and fell asleep in them.
But we slept in our clothes, for fear of disturbing anything.
I will leave, and nothing will have changed.
I am a ghost in my own home.
I'd be lying if I told you I was fine.
But I'm a liar, what good is my word?
I am equally worthless and trite.
It felt just like I was housesitting.
I have planted the seeds of a brighter future.
And when that future arrives, I will be there to reap the benefits.
I don't care anymore.
I don't want to change things.
I just want to sow my seed in God's green earth; beneath my feet.
Walk through fields of gold, clad in blue, fearing nothing and no one.
We no longer have nothing to lose.
I'm sorry for not being the son you hoped for.
I'm not saying I'm Jesus Christ, but sometimes I make bad decisions.
All I know is that I will never die for your sins again.
I have given all I can give, and I have not been forgiven.
Are you still housesitting?
The sun is coming up, and for some reason I am awake to see it.
I am always awake, I am always thinking.
If I miss a single sunrise, I don't think that I will be alright.
If you miss a single sunrise, I don’t think I’ll ever feel whole again.
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Parking Lot Records Wisconsin
thanks for your support.
milwaukee, wi cassette tape label since 2015
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